Review: No Angels - Welcome to the Dance

For those who don't know or don't remember No Angels was a German girl band that had a string of successful singles back in the early 00s before personal differences emerged on the surface and just as expected the band fell apart. After a break up in 2004 they reunited in 2006, obviously for worse. Their latest release is the album "Welcome to the Dance", which supposedly had to skyrocket their career back to the good old top.

Sadly for No Angels this album is a major flop lacking any decent sound and memorable tracks. It hurt so bad listening to it that my whole being had to recuperate with a no-music-day. OK, I might overreact a bit, but "Welcome to the Dance" is anything but a dance album. It incorporates more electronica than ever nefore, but it all sounds so out of place (and time) that you might take this whole experiment as a joke. What's more silly texts and ridiculous tunes don't stand for quality music of any kind...if you please.

After the rather poor reception of their fourth studio album "Destiny" things looked like as if No Angels were going to break up once and forever. Obviously they didn't, backing up their careers or more likely cutting their own throats with "Welcome to the Dance". I wonder if their producers really hate them that much, allowing the band to release such a pile of crap. Not that No Angels have ever been a staple of quality pop music, but at least that managed to keep their heads above surface. Right now their bodies are lifelessly floating somewhere in the Sea of kitsch, without any certainty to be found.

Don't get me wrong, I am pretty sure that there are people that this album will perfectly appeal to and they will enjoy listening to it on repeat. For those who happen to be open for something a bit more musically challenging and intriguing "Welcome to the Dance" should be anything but tempting. If still you are ready to give it a chance, don't say I didn't warn you! 'Njoy?

Personal rating: 3/10
The two singles:

Wall of Shame: Every hero's wake up call?

Probably there really is a god, or at least a higher power that keeps me away from all the crappy loads of music running through music channels as sewer. Don't get me wrong, I do respect everyone that works as a professional in this ruthless business, but sometimes I feel way to disgusted to be supportive. Such is the case with little miss Hayden Panettiere, best known as Claire Bennet from ABC's hit series "Heroes". Apart from her acting career she has a few mediocre attempts in singing of which I was most happily unaware of. A few days ago when one of Panettiere's efforts had been posted on my news feed on Facebook and my nosiness drove me straight to the hell called "Disney's teeny heavenly candy galore". I should check myself for diabetes and severe mental damage.

If you are a Jonas Brothers and alike fan Hayden is your girl, otherwise be warned!

Covers to be ashamed of (part 2)

If part one of Covers to be ashamed of was not enough disturbing and appalling to you it is time for more gruesome artwork that actually made it to the stores. Obviously some musicians believe that crap can actually attract attention and sell more copies, but I doubt many of you would like to see that ugly sleeves among their collection. Art has the expression of its own, but sometimes it just crosses the agreeable boundaries and turns into distasteful kitsch and pure profanity.



Heino - Liebe Mutter...



Chumbawamba - Anarchy



Deerhof - Milk Man



Edgar Winter - They Only Came Out at Night



Jim Orourke - Eureka



Cat Stevens - Mona Bone Jakon



Hella - Acoustics



Black Cat Bones - Barbed Wire Sandwich



Part Chimp - I Am Come



Heartless Bastards - The Mountain



Lords of Acid - Pussy



Chris Lee - Cool Rock



David Karsten Daniels - Sharp Teeth



Dirty Projectors - Glad Fact



Freddie Cage - All My Friends Are Dead

Covers to be ashamed of (part 1)

The artwork of an album is an essential part of the whole product, but sometimes the covers are so terrible that you cannot understand how blind you must have been to be seen by the entire world. This idea is directly inspired by an article in the Bulgarian music magazine "Rhythm", which unfortunately has been out of print for two years already. No matter how good an album is, an ugly cover could be a total turn-off and believe me some of the are not to be in your personal collection, unless you need to scare yourself when you have the hiccups.



Moving Gelatine Plates - The World of Genius Hans



Millie Jackson - Back to the S..t!



Rudy Ray Moore - The Sensuous Black Woman Meets the Sensuous Black Man



Cerrone - Love in C Minor



Stan and Doug - Yust Go Nuts at Christmas



Richard & Willie - Funky Honkey, Nasty Nigger



Blowfly - Blowfly on TV



The Handsome Beasts - Bestiality



Larz Kristerz - Stuff Party



Geraldine and Ricky - Trees Talk Too



Swamp Dogg - Rat On!



The Faith Tones - Jesus Use Me



Joyce - Joyce (?)



The Cooper Family - I'm God's Child



Tommy Seebach - Disco Tango

Bulgarian horror turned into a song with Snoop Dogg

Words fail me to give the exact description for this collaboration:



I have never been into hip-hop, but from this very day on I feel sorry for Snoop Dogg. Surely he was paid a lot of money to take part in this "song", otherwise I just don't see a better explanation for this insult. My ears bled at the end of "Dime Piece" and if I want to stay sane I shall never play it on purpose. Of course, the majority of you has no idea who Lilana and Big Sha are and you are very lucky. Nevertheless, you need this "vital" information as this video may appear on TV stations near you.

Lilana is a Bulgarian wannabe singer, who has spent years trying to become someone in the Bulgarian music bizz. Her career started with the girl duo L.A., which had two moderate hits and afterwards went into oblivion. Later Lilana came back solo, but no one actually showed interest in her efforts and she went places in desperate attempts to be found and appreciated. Obviously someone has seen something in her or as rumors have it started banging her and she got a deal to record "Dime Piece".

Big Sha (previously known as Misho Shamara) is a Bulgarian rapper, who had the peak of his career at the beginning of this decade, but after the downfall of commercial Bulgarian hip-hop he ceased making music...or at least we hoped he had. A couple of years ago he came back with a new album and a new name looking for some new found glory. What he didn't had in consideration was that hip-hop was not hip anymore and house music (apart from pop-folk) was (unfortunately still is) the music that ruled the nation. Sha realized that no matter who has he worked with and what he has done in the States for the last few years, people didn't care at all.

I have no idea how come Lilana and Big Sha, two fine examples of wannabe musicians, collaborated with Snoop Dogg, who no doubt is among the biggest in his genre. Official sponsors (understand producers) for Bulgaria is Nescafé as they promote "Dime Piece" as "3 in 1: Unexpectedly good combination". Mmmm, not really...unexpected - definitely, but good - think (listen) again. Apart from Snoop Dogg, the whole song is a disaster. Are there no musicians surrounding Lilana to tell her once and for all that she just cannot sing...she's not even pretty to compensate for her talentless singing. Do you think that Big Sha is actually rapping? To me his "rapping" sounds like mumbling some mambo-jumbo, which in comparison to the techniques of Dogg sound quite pathetic.

Give your best to pay attention to the meaningless text sung by Lilana and try to figure out what is she actually whining about as I had no idea what she meant...and I am pretty sure she did as well. Of course, you may like the song, but most probably it would be just for Snoop Dogg. Tomorrow you wouldn't even remember the rest and it is advisory not to.